?

Log in

write_the_songs

(no subject)

« previous entry | next entry »
Apr. 6th, 2008 | 08:43 pm
posted by: discord72 in write_the_songs

Title: All I Wanna Do is Disappear
Author: discord72
Fandom: The Bravery
Pairing: Sam on his own
Album: The Sun and the Moon, by The Bravery: Part 2
Song: Above and Below
Rating: PG





Sam reached out for the beer John was offering. "Thanks man," he said, wiping sweat from his face with a towel. How is it, he wondered, that even in winter you can get so hot playing a show? He flopped down on the couch set up in the green room. A decrepit old thing that smelled like pot and beer farts.

"You were great tonight, man," Dirt said, sitting down on the other end of the couch and kicking Sam's long legs off onto the floor to make space for himself.

He raised his beer to him, nodding. "You too man. It was an awesome crowd. Except that chick up front who kept grabbing my ankle."

"Makes it hard huh?" Mikey laughed, popping open his own beer.

Sam curled his lip at him, "Yeah, something like that I guess."

From the other side of the room Ant glanced at Sam, running a comb through his thick hair. "Anyone want to go out tonight?" he called as he yanked his sweaty shirt off and reached for a clean one. "I think there's some cool clubs around, even just a bar with a pool table?"

"Bowling?" Mikey suggested, taking a swig of beer.

Sam shook his head, glaring at Mikey. "Bowling? Are you fucking kidding? After how hard your ass played tonight I'd think you'd be ready for the bus."

"I am, but I'm not old like you Sammy," he grinned back, dodging out of the path of the towel Sam snapped in his direction. "I'm gonna go out and find some of those pretty things from the front row."

"I'm not old," he mumbled, but the smile faded quickly behind his raised bottle. Yet.

"Ah God..." Dirt grinned, running his hand down the front of his jeans. "Did you see the one with tits hanging out of that..." he made a gesture over his chest.

"Sundress," Ant added helpfully. "And yeah for a second, but it's hard to see from back at the drums."

"Not her's man," Dirt laughed.

"Come on Sammy, you saw her. She had tits like who's that chick from the old movies?"

"Jane Russel?" Mikey suggested.

"Marilyn Monroe?" Ant tossed out.

"No no..." Dirt scratched his thigh. "No, shit...I'll remember but they're fucking perfect. Bet that chick goes out after the show."

"Come on," John said, finally joining the conversation. "Let's do it. Bus doesn't leave until four."

"I'm out," Sam answered, finishing off his beer. He raised his hands at his band mates scoffing and taunting. "Hey, I just got my voice back, don't want to have to cancel any more shows right?"

There was a chorus of "oh yeahs" and "sure, no" from his band mates. "Then I'll keep the bus warm," he told them, rolling off the couch and snagging another beer.

"Jerk off, play music...drink some wine," Ant said quietly as Sam reached past him to toss his towel in the bin.

He shot him a look and stood back up, a half smile tugged at his lips. "Yeah, something like that."

Sam turned and pulled open the dressing room door. The hallway was empty of fans and crew and he made his way quickly back to the bus.

****

A cramped bus shower and two bowls of Cheerios later, Sam sat sprawled over one of the captains chairs in the bus; blissfully alone. He'd turned on the DVD player and the last thing that had been watched was some really cheap, really poorly produced girl on girl porn. Because he was tired and because he was basically lazy, he'd left it playing with the sound muted as picked up his lap top.

He logged on and checked his email. Mom, brother, a couple of friends. Nothing stimulating and nothing to take his mind off... He leaned back, looking up at the DVD. A fake boobed blond girl with every hair on her body shaved, plucked or waxed, was busy feeling up a carbon copy of herself in a slutty blue dress. Gross.

He turned back to his computer and typed in the address for one of his favorite sites. He was rewarded with an Italian boy, stretched over a bed with his cock pointing due north. Much better.

He flipped through several screens of more of the same. Each one nice, appealing and even sexy in some cases. But tonight? It just wasn't working. Normally he'd log on and get off in minutes. Now? He wasn't even hard.

Annoyed, he picked up the remote and flipped off the offending porn and then shut down his lap top.

He knew it was being on the road, knew it was being sequestered for days at a time. Knew it was keeping his secret, secret. Laying his head back against the seat, Sam sighed. He knew Ant was suspicious. Knew he'd noticed Sam never took advantage of the backstage girls. Probably noticed he never crept to the can to jack off when the porn was playing on the bus either. He hoped that's all he'd noticed.

He reached over, picking up a notebook he kept for writing down lyrics and flipped it open. He traced his fingers down the page, not reading the lyrics. He knew them without looking.

He wondered, pathetically, if Ant did.





**************





Above and Below



Sometimes I feel
Like I wanna leave this place for good
Under the ground
I'll live down there without a sound
And never hear
These hissing voices all the same
I'll disappear
Causing living makes me feel ashamed

Ooowwww
Ooowwww

I must believe
There's more above us and below
I must believe
Stranded with this bitch called hope
It keeps me here
When all I wanna do is go
It keeps me here
When all I wanna do is disappear

If this is it
When all we have and ever will
If this is it
Time is running out and standing still
I'll leave today
Cause there's nothing left to keep me here
I'll fade away
I'll turn my back and disappear

The city moves
Lunges up right from the ground
The seething Earth
It opens up and spits us out
This vicious child
Nature never wanted us
This vicious child
A cancer burning black into it's heart

If this is it
When all we have and ever will
If this is it
Time is running out and standing still
I'll leave today
Cause there's nothing left to keep me here
I'll fade away
I'll turn my back and disappear

Ooowwww
Sometimes I feel
Like I wanna leave this place for good
Under the ground
I'll live down there without a sound
And never hear
These hissing voices all the same
I'll disappear
Causing living makes me feel ashamed

If this is it
When all we have and ever will
If this is it
Time is running out and standing still
I'll leave today
Cause there's nothing left to keep me here
I'll fade away
I'll turn my back and disappear
I'll turn my back and disappear


Link | Leave a comment | Share

Comments {0}